15
Nov/11

Use some of our funny status update ideas, some of them should be censored but…..

by under Funny Status

Need partners to take part in a threesome? We´ve got a status update idea for that, use it and enjoy!

  • is on your mind at this very moment!
  • Is not drunk, just exhausted from being up all night drinking…
  • is bored of thinking of funny things to write in status and isn’t going to bother this time…
  • is [censored]
  • is wondering why people think they are invisible when they pick their noses in the car?
  • is just two away from a threesome…

 

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14
Nov/11

UFO´s, CSI, Max Factor and dogs. As always it´s our duty to bring you the best Status Update ideas available!

by under Funny Status

If you are the ugly person at the bar we´ve got the status update for you, it´s just a copy/paste away!  We would be very grateful if you would share the funny picture for us…..

 

  • Why the fuck is it that Only people with shitty video cameras and shaky hands can see UFOs?
  • That demoralising moment when you’re starting a new chapter of your life only to realize that’s it’s exactly the same as the last chapter.
  • I’m a member of the C.S.I.: “Can’t. Stand. Idiots.”
  • If a stranger in a bar has never bought you a drink you are probably ugly.
  • Sometimes I whisper, “I’m on your side” to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world….
  • Max Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear three times longer? Max Factor should make condoms.
  • I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, “Wow, dogs are easily entertained.” Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes…

 

 

 

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12
Nov/11

Definition of irony, the perfect wife and piss! Get some likes and comments by using our Status update ideas!

by under Funny Status

Like a Like? Use some of our hilarious Facebook Status Update ideas and get the likes you deserve, you might even get some comments or even a :) Come on, make your friends smile a little by using this stuff we bring to you.  It´s easy, just copy/paste.

 

  • In the Czech Republic abortions are known as cancelled Czechs.
  • Definition of irony. Copy and paste a status on a copy and paste status website!
  • There is only one perfect wife in the world,,,,,And every neighbour has it !
  • Last night, I learned if you dream you’re having a piss, you most likely are having a piss.
  • Dear Face Book you keep offering up people for me to friend, but then you get all  concerned and ask me how I know them.  You can’t be the pimp and the cop!
  • Accidentally mixed my I can’t believe it’s not butter with my real butter. Now I don’t know what to believe..
  • Dear anyone who can finish an eraser, chopstick, and a pencil, without losing it: You’re my idol!
  • I sent a Facebook friend request to the girl who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from her house.

 

 

 

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8
Nov/11

Planking, women, Joe Frazier vs Muhammed Ali and nipples, you name the occasion we´ve got the Status Update for it….

by under Funny Status

R.I.P. Joe Frazier, you were one of the best.  But we are here for the ones that are alive and kicking! Be on the bright side of live and steal a Status Update from below, some of them sound stupit but  what do they all have in common? YES they are funny and will guarantee you some of those comments and likes  you deserve…..Grab one, you won´t regret it!

 

  • This Planking epidemic is getting out of hand. The old lady next door been laying outside for 3 days now.
  • “RIP Joe Frazier… I Can’t Believe He’s Gone…I’m still shaking” -Muhammad Ali-
  •  Evolution is God’s way of issuing upgrades.
  • I love pressing buttons, so as you can imagine this makes it really difficult for me to be around nipples….
  •  Auctioneers are proof that white guys could rap if they wanted to
  • So many women…. So little time to disappoint them all…
  • There is always that one person whose friend request you regret ever accepting.

 

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31
Oct/11

Taco Shells, Loud sexual activities and Halloween. You name it, we´ve got a Status Update for you!

by under Funny Status

Thanks to all our readers that keep sending us those funny Status Update ideas, just keep´em comming…..

 

  • Thank you: ‘hard taco shells’, for surviving the factory, delivery trucks, and small food stores and then breaking at the moment I put something inside you.
  •  I just got ticketed for a noise complaint for “loud sexual activities”… I’m framing this for sure!
  • Right before I die I’m going to say ” I left a million dollars in the……”
  • People with dreadlocks either love weed or hate showers.
  • I love Halloween because it’s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.
  •  I am having the best day of my life and I owe it all to Smirnoff Vodka!!!
  • Dear Google, please stop acting like my girlfriend and finishing my sentences and guessing what i`m searching for….

 

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27
Oct/11

Breaking condoms, fifth grade problems, rubik´s cube and lots of Funny Status Update ideas for you today!

by under Facebook Status Updates

It´s proven that a good Facebook Status Update can cheer up a lot of people around you, so you should not hesitate to grab one from below, it´s as easy as copy/paste, or to put it right it´s just copy/paste.  Don´t worry be happy and get some comments and likes by using those funny, witty and cleaver Status Updates that we are serving you…..

 

  • You think 7 years for a mirror is bad try breaking a condom….
  • I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
  • Asian pregnancy test: Put an unsolved Rubik’s cube into vagina. If it comes out solved, she is pregnant….
  • My life will not be complete until I’ve walked away from an explosion in slow motion.
  •  ”Are you as bored as I am?” Read that backwards, it still makes sense.
  • What’s on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし what you remember: __________
  •  If you want to find a needle in a haystack, burn the haystack.
  •  Banana peel, coffee grains, pizza crust, beer bottles, empty tins, paper plates, sales papers. Don’t mind me I’m just talking trash.

 

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25
Oct/11

The USA needs a Department of Common Sense, 12 Steps and Prostitutes, We´ve sure got funny Status Update ideas…..

by under Funny Status

And on and on we go, bringing you the best Status Update ideas ever! Use the some from the list below and you´ll get comments and likes like never before. Just copy/paste, it´s as easy as that.

 

  • What the USA Government needs is a Department of Common Sense.
  •  Facebook is really just a museum of all my failed relationships.
  • Just reading the 12 steps, anybody got a beer this is going to take a while….
  • So I met this prostitute who said she’d do anything for $10. Guess who got his car washed?
  • My son just spoke his first words to me: ‘Dad, where the f**k have you been the last 20 years?!’ It was so cute.
  •  Anything related to Halloween doesn’t scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else’s toilet and the water keeps rising…
  • I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent… twisted… gyrated… jumped up and down… and perspired for a half an hour. But by the time I got my tights on…. the class was over!

 

 

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24
Oct/11

Porn, share, likes, and peoples posts are topics of today Status Updates. Enjoy!

by under Funny Status

Here we go again! Few new Status Update ideas for you guys….

 

  • Everyone “shares” on occasion, but the self proclaimed Great one should be arrested for grand theft.
  • Wow, it’s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
  • Some people on Facebook always post funny stuff.. Some people always post lovey dovey stuff.. And Some people posts.. Just make you wana scream..
  • Instead of porn I just watch tennis with my eyes closed,,:~/
  • In bed it’s 6am, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, its 7:45. At work it’s 11:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s still 11:30

 

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21
Oct/11

One Liners are very good to usa as a facebook Status Update, here are a few of the best for you!

by under Funny Status

A one liner is as the name indicates a joke that is delivered in one line. One liners can be very funny and are excellent to use on Facebook because if they are funny or witty they can get you lots of likes and comments. Here are some funny One-liners for you:

 

  • I bet you I could stop gambling.
  • A liberal is just a conservative that hasn’t been mugged yet.
  • I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
  • Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence.
  • Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
  • In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
  • I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t snort, and I don’t gamble. I do lie a little bit though.

 

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15
Oct/11

Ex-wifes, children, pain, cows, fire, what a nice bunch of Status Update ideas…..

by under Funny Status

Here we go again, making it easier for you folks to get those comments and likes. As always you are mor than welcome to copy those funny, clever and absolutely hillarious Status Update ideas and paste them on you wall at facebook.com.  Enjoy!

 

  • I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a bitch.
  • The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
  • God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman, or women, or even worse another man….
  • The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  • If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong…
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my mother going to do?
  • Who was the first to see a cow and think “I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?”
  • If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.

 

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